Seeing Nate brought back so many memories. I used to have the biggest crush on him. Though he never knew it. That moment I saw him through that peep hole there was a familiar look about him. I couldn't place it but now i know. I actually know my crush again that Ive been crushing on since for 8 years!
I was so happy! It gave me inspiration to finally finish a book I wrote the month i was wanting to leave school and the only friend i had was him.
I sat in my computer room for hours, buy i didn't know it, I got lost writing and writing. Before I knew it, it was late and i needed sleep.
I was able to fall asleep fast. Not like other nights, laying awake, thinking how lonely and quiet my house is, but of how much this crush, this liking for this guy was back after years of almost forgetting. I had my best friend back!
The sun peaked through my hazel curtains and onto my face. That's always the best alarm clock for me. I layed there and starred at the ceiling. Then i got this surge o energy to get up and do stuff! So I decided that I would go for a swim. Yes a swim , my basement is an inside heated pool. Well most of it. The other side has a hot tub and a bar which we used to use for parties but not anymore.
The water was cool and warm at the same time. I had made coffee, to swim around with a hot mug of coffee is amazingly fun. Then once i was done. Id just relax on a raft. Then i heard a beep. It was the intercom saying the doorbell rang. So i got outta the pool, grabbed a towel and went upstairs. I got to the door and put on a quick dress to put over my wet swimming suit and answered the door.
I was more confident to answer this door since yesterdays social meeting with Nate.
I opened the door an there stood Nate with a big smile. "I thought maybe we could hang and catch up today!"
" Come on in" I said.
"Why are you all wet" he asked.
"Well actually there is way more to the house then you know. Here ill show you"
I was all ready to tell him all about the house. From the door the first door on the right was my computer room. Then the first door on the left was my library. Then you walk into the entrance way and you can see the living room of to the right and the dinning room to the left. I turned around and opened the basement door. He was so surprised I had a pool! Then we went to the kitchen. And past that to the right is the sitting room, which just has a lot of earthy colors and has a bunch of couches! Was all my moms design. And off from that room was the sun room.
"Wow, this is an amazing house!" he said.
"Well you haven't even seen the upstairs. I love it up here"
We walked up the stairs and if you make a right off the stairs and its hallways on either side of the stairs and the right side had yet another computer room but this was for games! And then a music room, equipped with drums 7 guitars, piano, trumpet, and more. Then a star room when the ceiling is glass and can open up to look to the stars. Then on the left side hall way was rooms, guest room, which were all used as storage for old stuff. Then if you go straight back from the stairs there is an open hall way. Meaning looked like a room cause it has flowers and a couch with a radio beside it. There was 5 rooms back this way. Two to the right, two to the left, then one straight ahead. To the right rooms, the first room was just kinda really more kitchen area but smaller, just snack foods. Then the next room was my closet. The biggest closet filled with frilly girly girl stuff I never wear but when I have fun dressing up. Then to the left, the first room was my photography room. Or black room. Where I can and do develop photos. Then the next door goes with that room, it has all my cameras, there ti-pods and two computers. I loved this room. It has a great view of town and the woods. Where i can get good pictures from the windows. Then the last room of the house. Mine. I just said it was mine and we didn't go in, we went back to the stairs.
"So that's it all." I said.
"Wow, this is such a big house! I never knew you lived here" he said.
"Well no one really does, I mean i never leave here. But can you hold on. I wanna change out of these wet clothes and my suit. You can go into the music room or something." I said.
"I think ill do that!" he said.
I walked back into my closet. I put on jeans, and a lime green tank top.
I walked back out to find him. When I walked down the hallway I could hear him banging on the drums and singing. I walked in and he looked like a punk rocker.
"Oh hello again. All dry now! Now...whats this?" he pointed to the computer set up I had.
"Oh well that's actually like a recording studio where I sing and put effects to my voice to make it sound good with the music I write" I smiled.
"Wow. Writer, musician, singer! What cant you do!" he laughed.
"Well a lot, I cant play guitar but I'm teaching myself." I said. "Come on. Lets eat something!" I laughed.
We walked downstairs and he stopped at the stairwell and seemed lost looking at something. "Hey I saw a garage outside. And you never showed me whats in there." he said.
"Oh, wow. Well my baby is in there!!" I smiled. "Meaning my car, and more. See since i never new my dad, my mom had to learn to fix stuff and so did I. So its got tools in it and then some fun toys" I winked at him.
I opened the door, his jaw dropped and was speechless. He was looking at all the priceless cars I have.
"Even though i have all this, this house and cars and everything I want...it doesn't make up for feeling so alone in the world. Like your the only one in miles, and your just alone. With no family, no friends, and no one to talk to." I started to tear up.
I couldn't take it anymore, but I held back my tears and sent Nate on his way home. He understood I wanted to be alone at that point.
I stood there in the middle of the hallway, looked up to the ceiling, and yelled. It was a loud scream of pain. The pain was loneliness. I felt even more alone since i sent Nate away.
I never really cried when my mom died. I mean I did when i found out and did at the funeral. Though I haven't really since, most people grieve for weeks on end. I guess i just made up for it by doing as much as humanly possible so i wouldn't think of her often. That's why I stay out of her room, by making it storage, and just staying away from her comfy sitting room. I cant hide of it forever, I know, but I just feel if I do long enough ill be able to get over it by the time I go into her room, ill find it to be mine and not hers anymore.
I needed someone to talk to, but before I figured that, i want a nap, a nap in my moms bed. I went upstairs, opened the door and there sat her quilted bed with the fluffiest pillows. I moved the boxes off it and covered myself up. It felt so warm and just like I was being hugged by my mom again. It was heaven I wanted to last forever. This is when it hit me. The tears just flowed from my eyes, I couldn't stop it, I didn't want to. I just miss her so much, but there is nothing I can do about it. I feel hopeless, lonely, and abandon.
I was so happy! It gave me inspiration to finally finish a book I wrote the month i was wanting to leave school and the only friend i had was him.
I sat in my computer room for hours, buy i didn't know it, I got lost writing and writing. Before I knew it, it was late and i needed sleep.
I was able to fall asleep fast. Not like other nights, laying awake, thinking how lonely and quiet my house is, but of how much this crush, this liking for this guy was back after years of almost forgetting. I had my best friend back!
The sun peaked through my hazel curtains and onto my face. That's always the best alarm clock for me. I layed there and starred at the ceiling. Then i got this surge o energy to get up and do stuff! So I decided that I would go for a swim. Yes a swim , my basement is an inside heated pool. Well most of it. The other side has a hot tub and a bar which we used to use for parties but not anymore.
The water was cool and warm at the same time. I had made coffee, to swim around with a hot mug of coffee is amazingly fun. Then once i was done. Id just relax on a raft. Then i heard a beep. It was the intercom saying the doorbell rang. So i got outta the pool, grabbed a towel and went upstairs. I got to the door and put on a quick dress to put over my wet swimming suit and answered the door.
I was more confident to answer this door since yesterdays social meeting with Nate.
I opened the door an there stood Nate with a big smile. "I thought maybe we could hang and catch up today!"
" Come on in" I said.
"Why are you all wet" he asked.
"Well actually there is way more to the house then you know. Here ill show you"
I was all ready to tell him all about the house. From the door the first door on the right was my computer room. Then the first door on the left was my library. Then you walk into the entrance way and you can see the living room of to the right and the dinning room to the left. I turned around and opened the basement door. He was so surprised I had a pool! Then we went to the kitchen. And past that to the right is the sitting room, which just has a lot of earthy colors and has a bunch of couches! Was all my moms design. And off from that room was the sun room.
"Wow, this is an amazing house!" he said.
"Well you haven't even seen the upstairs. I love it up here"
We walked up the stairs and if you make a right off the stairs and its hallways on either side of the stairs and the right side had yet another computer room but this was for games! And then a music room, equipped with drums 7 guitars, piano, trumpet, and more. Then a star room when the ceiling is glass and can open up to look to the stars. Then on the left side hall way was rooms, guest room, which were all used as storage for old stuff. Then if you go straight back from the stairs there is an open hall way. Meaning looked like a room cause it has flowers and a couch with a radio beside it. There was 5 rooms back this way. Two to the right, two to the left, then one straight ahead. To the right rooms, the first room was just kinda really more kitchen area but smaller, just snack foods. Then the next room was my closet. The biggest closet filled with frilly girly girl stuff I never wear but when I have fun dressing up. Then to the left, the first room was my photography room. Or black room. Where I can and do develop photos. Then the next door goes with that room, it has all my cameras, there ti-pods and two computers. I loved this room. It has a great view of town and the woods. Where i can get good pictures from the windows. Then the last room of the house. Mine. I just said it was mine and we didn't go in, we went back to the stairs.
"So that's it all." I said.
"Wow, this is such a big house! I never knew you lived here" he said.
"Well no one really does, I mean i never leave here. But can you hold on. I wanna change out of these wet clothes and my suit. You can go into the music room or something." I said.
"I think ill do that!" he said.
I walked back into my closet. I put on jeans, and a lime green tank top.
I walked back out to find him. When I walked down the hallway I could hear him banging on the drums and singing. I walked in and he looked like a punk rocker.
"Oh hello again. All dry now! Now...whats this?" he pointed to the computer set up I had.
"Oh well that's actually like a recording studio where I sing and put effects to my voice to make it sound good with the music I write" I smiled.
"Wow. Writer, musician, singer! What cant you do!" he laughed.
"Well a lot, I cant play guitar but I'm teaching myself." I said. "Come on. Lets eat something!" I laughed.
We walked downstairs and he stopped at the stairwell and seemed lost looking at something. "Hey I saw a garage outside. And you never showed me whats in there." he said.
"Oh, wow. Well my baby is in there!!" I smiled. "Meaning my car, and more. See since i never new my dad, my mom had to learn to fix stuff and so did I. So its got tools in it and then some fun toys" I winked at him.
I opened the door, his jaw dropped and was speechless. He was looking at all the priceless cars I have.
"Even though i have all this, this house and cars and everything I want...it doesn't make up for feeling so alone in the world. Like your the only one in miles, and your just alone. With no family, no friends, and no one to talk to." I started to tear up.
I couldn't take it anymore, but I held back my tears and sent Nate on his way home. He understood I wanted to be alone at that point.
I stood there in the middle of the hallway, looked up to the ceiling, and yelled. It was a loud scream of pain. The pain was loneliness. I felt even more alone since i sent Nate away.
I never really cried when my mom died. I mean I did when i found out and did at the funeral. Though I haven't really since, most people grieve for weeks on end. I guess i just made up for it by doing as much as humanly possible so i wouldn't think of her often. That's why I stay out of her room, by making it storage, and just staying away from her comfy sitting room. I cant hide of it forever, I know, but I just feel if I do long enough ill be able to get over it by the time I go into her room, ill find it to be mine and not hers anymore.
I needed someone to talk to, but before I figured that, i want a nap, a nap in my moms bed. I went upstairs, opened the door and there sat her quilted bed with the fluffiest pillows. I moved the boxes off it and covered myself up. It felt so warm and just like I was being hugged by my mom again. It was heaven I wanted to last forever. This is when it hit me. The tears just flowed from my eyes, I couldn't stop it, I didn't want to. I just miss her so much, but there is nothing I can do about it. I feel hopeless, lonely, and abandon.
